Striving to be more human....

We must all support and respect Kelly's recent decision to focus more on "human connection".

She is striving to spend more time in the "real world" and not be overrun by technology and texting. I admire her stand, and embrace the battle against spiritual disconnectedness in the world. It is something we should all think about. Giving up the devices of ease for more human contact will not be easy. I have faith that Kelly will be able to diminish the amount of texts she sends, web pages she subscribes to, emails she writes and reads... but will she be able to give up her doll? Big changes, we must embrace them with an open heart.

Built in body koozie

Even when spending time on vacation- Kelly proves she is a hard working girl. She never takes the easiest route. I think it's obvious to all of us, that she does not have to hold this bottle with her hand. There is another spot in which it would fit perfectly, and allow for easy access...

Kelly has met someone....

Kelly met a guy on the ship! She said he is in the military- perhaps the Foreign Legion. He has a penchant for business suits and masculine yet classic jewlery. A little effeminate, but he can carry it off, according to Ms. Reinhardt. She said it's magical! They have so much in common! They both love heckling, dancing, karoke, hanging out in the bar, beating the elderly at shuffleboard, and then rubbing it in by jumping and yelling. (Spiking the giant puck is not a good idea, fortunately, Mr. Shuber regained consciousness, and almost full use of his arm) They both love to "holler", strike up conversations with strangers, and wait until the very last minute before reboarding the ship. (The Captain knows Kelly's name... only from hearing it over the intercom) "It's like were are one person" says Kelly... and "he is so attractive!" Also, she loves his booming cackle, his attitude and his crazy hair. Wow! Here is a photo of him.....

Spanish request

I just received my first transmission from Kelly! She asked me to use my computer and look up some Spanish for her. Just a few simple sayings----
Here they are....
1. "You don't have to pay me."
2. "No, they are not my kids, but I would consider selling them to you."
3. "First things first, what's in it for me?"
4. "Dude! You want to trade shirts?"
5. "Who says 23 margaritas is too many? Who put you in charge of my world Isaac?"
6. "Which way back to my cabin? It's pretty dark outside. Can't you just put your leg back on and walk me there?"
7. "We will dance for you, my sisters and I!"
8. "Which way to the Lido Deck? Is that where the karoke is?"
9. "I think I broke my nail. Is it by any chance in your back?"
10. "Don't worry, Americans always yell!"

Bon Voyage Kelly! A little advice.....

Kelly and the rest of the women in her family are leaving tomorrow for a relaxing adventure on the high seas. Yes readers! Kelly is leaving the country, and travelling around on a cruise ship. I thought it might be important to give her some advice about how to behave!

1. Kelly, going up to male strangers who are in the water- be it a pool or the ocean- and asking them if they would like to use your "floatation devices" is not an effective pick up line. It wasn't last year in Florida, and it won't be this year on your cruise.

2. A straw hat and a sunburn is not a good look for anyone, anywhere, at any time. Dress accordingly.

3. Using small children as bait to meet men or lonely lesbians is a bad idea, always. You will regret this- every time.

4. Running around a cruise ship and screaming "Captain Stubing.. Oh Merill!" - is also not a good idea. It will only serve to date you. It is okay to call the bartender Isaac.

5. Making out with a cabin boy and feeling dangerous and full of adventure because you might be spotted by your Mother- is just creepy. Spice up your love life in other ways. I am almost sure your Mom will agree with this advice.

6. A "Pina Coloda only" food fast is also not a good plan. Remember to eat.

7. Do not throw anyone over board. Playing on the ships decks can be fun. Do not play any games which involve leaning over the railing, or hanging ship workers over the edge. It may take a while to extradite you, but the cruise ship industry is really focused on having the same number of passengers and crew throughout the entire duration of the cruise. You will be caught!

8. Wearing your best bathing suit, high heels, red lipstick and panty hose is not acceptable for a formal dinner. The food is all inclusive, no need to give your fellow passengers the wrong impression about what you will be willing to do for a little drink or some cake.

9. Have Fun! We will miss you!

Ed's 35th Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Kelly's good friend Ed! Best Wishes! I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

I miss the beach

February, February- Go away! I want to go to the beach. I want to relax in the sun. I want to build sand castles, and squish sand in my toes, and run in the waves with Evan. I want to read a good book in the prone position, while laughing at my friends, wiping sand from my brow, and keeping one eye on the surf and the kids. I want to talk about summer plans, and summer plants and eat cheese and drink water. I want to get so hot that I cannot wait to run into the lake, not caring how many kids are peeing around me. I want to sit by the big yellow rock and dig a hole. I miss you summer! It seems impossible, now during the longest month of the year F-e-b-r-u-a-r-y.... I want to enjoy a fun a day of warmth and... there is something I am forgetting.. Oh yes! I want to video tape Kelly at the beach. I have missed so many opportunities in the past...A yoga demonstration on a beach in Florida last April. Kelly yelling at the children- every year at the beach since any of us have had children. This summer will be glorious- a bag of water and snacks, shovels and buckets, and Evan... friends, and sunscreen... and my camera... ready to catch a video of Kelly- The lighting will be much better!

If only the light was better

A little more of my mission...

Misinterpretation of current social signals

This is a photo of Matt, in his stylin' Uggs.... And Kelly in some sort of shiny white sneakers. We could not figure out why she was wearing them. So, we asked her. She said that by wearing this particular pair of shoes, she was letting young, hot men know that she was on the prowl....She also stated that she was confused as to why her obvious "signal" was not working. Kelly! It's called COUGAR, not PUMA!
Disclaimer: These are not Kelly's actual shoes. Kelly is far too young to be a "Cougar" and no animals or small children were harmed during the creation of this blog post.

Whose side are you on? I suspect you to be an "anonymous source". You have been warned.

You can take the idiot out of Sackets Harbor...

Kelly to Matt: "Hey! The band is playing the fight song! Let's see if we can start a fight here at the Dome!" Matt: "Okay Kelly, but let's take a close up photo of our faces first, in case we get punched!" Kelly: "Good idea... Let's stir up the guys in front of us. They have had a lot of beer!"

Creepy and Spooky

Pretty spooky! These are actual photographs that were taken of Kelly yesterday. The first shot is when Kelly and I were firing the cameras at each other. She was trying to block me from gaining any footage of her. Still on her toes, the Guinness can count 7- The next 3 pictures were not altered. Kelly appears to have some sort of white glow around her head. We thought maybe it was the wet snow and moisture playing tricks with my camera. However, the last photo was taken inside. None of the other pictures have any sign of the anomaly. What does it mean? Why does Kelly have a white fuzzy blur around her head? Is she not able to be fully captured on film? It was kind of creepy. It still is..... creepy and mysterious. I will continue in my quest to capture Kelly on video, and figure out why this strange phenomenon with still photographs occurs.

The elusive Idiot

It was far more difficult to capture Kelly on video than I had anticipated. Kelly, an avid reader of this blog, was aware that I was planning on filming her yesterday. She had her guard up at the party. That was a disappointment to me, as daylight was the optimum time to see Kelly in her glory. I decided to wait. She had brought 10 Guinness with her to the party, and seemed intent on consuming all of them. The afternoon light was fading, and I had to continue in my patient pattern of waiting. Night fell, and we all departed for the Westview. I took several shorts of Kelly while there. The lighting is dark- and I cannot upload content that is considered vulgar or has swearing in it. Kelly swore at me, slapped my camera and ran alot. This is the best of the bunch. I slowly crept to the dance floor, and did get a moment before I was spotted. I wish I could put all the mini-videos on here---- Tommy Gleason's laugh is priceless, and the footage of Meggan and Kelly when they thought I was taking a picture is pretty funny as well. I love how Kelly puts her hand up, like she is being stalked by the paparazzi. Everytime she danced, it was with a different gentleman in snowpants. She was always right in front of the band- Shakin it for the drummer. I plan on continuing in my pursuit of video taping Kelly. It was hard yesterday, there were bushes with no leaves, and barren trees all around. Summer is coming, and with it leaves, and cover--- and Kelly loves to drink beer on the beach. I will not give up!

Phillin' the cup of love

Kelly had alot of negative things to say about Phil and his behavior regarding the juke box on Superbowl Sunday. I was suspicious. I have discovered that it was all an act! After hiring a small-time private detective, it has been discovered that perhaps Kelly and Phil have had some sort of relationship in the past. Was Kelly really upset about playing the juke box? Or was there more to the story? Is this a case of unrequited love? Rejection? I will keep you posted!

It's like Christmas!

First of all, Kelly wore this hat as a Christmas Gift to all of her friends. It covered up part of her fabulous hair! So thoughtful....



Tomorrow, we all head to Henderson. Going to Henderson is a bit like Christmas. It is always such a great gathering of friends. Usually, Nick hosts the gathering... Twice in the summer, and once in the winter. Due to his plowing business, he has been unable to hold the party for the past few years. Theresa has decided to throw one herself. We don't know how it will turn out. We ladies generally don't get into the horseshoe throwing. I attempted to play once, and accidentally hit someone with a horseshoe- that was it for me. Both by my own volition, and a request from the victim and his wife. (No, I did not hit him in a spot that would really affect his wife. I hit him near the head.) In any case, I just wanted to express my glee about tomorrow. My husband is home, and will be able to attend with me. The weather looks good. Most of my favorite women will be in attendance. I look forward to laughing a lot, and dancing in the snow, and of course, sneaking around in the bushes- and capturing the elusive Kelly on video. If anyone reads this and wants to attend, just call Kelly and ask for directions. Happy Henderson!

Soon I will have footage

Bundle up! It is the weekend of the Winter Horseshoe Tourney! There will be no fabulous hair, no wine... no mellow music.... There will be snow pants, canned beer, crazy hats, rocking music, hay bales, a big fire and laughter. I have my camera ready, and I WILL have video footage of Kelly. I am so excited. In years past, there have been interpretations of the Dirty Dancing log dance, people falling off hay bales and air guitaring to Aerosmith. I am hoping Kelly will not let us down this year!

Kelly~Always giving advice about posing

Words spoken to Kyle just before this photograph was taken~
"Seriously Kyle! If you hold this in your mouth, you will look more attractive to the guys. I once walked around for 6 hours with one in my mouth, and sure enough I got a date.... Of course, I might not have been wearing any pants...."

Help!

I try to only use subtle inuendo~ I am at a loss. Please, write some comments for the above photographs. Thank You!

Leave my spouse alone!

Kelly and the "Reinhardt Nation" took my husband out on their super bowl rounds. Brian has been a little overwhelmed lately. I encouraged him to go have fun, let loose, and forget the stress of his job and home life. I asked Kelly to be sure that my husband have a really fun time. I also told her to keep her hands off him. (She has a propensity to grope Brian.) Kelly sent me this photograph this morning. She said she could not help it- she is so hot, that she gave my husband a "heart on". What an Idiot!

Why did he not call?

"The date went so well! I cannot understand why he did not call me! I did what you said and played hard to get. I also made sure to show he and his friends that I understood the international sign for "love connection" which is sometimes mistaken for "loser". I showed his friends the sign everytime my date came near me. At the beginning of the date, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I did the sign. He looked at me strangely. I was not deterred. I put myself out there! I showed him that I felt our love connection. "

Once again, I am being nice

Isn't she lovely? This is a great photo of Kelly. She may be an idiot, but she sure is cute.

Kelly takes the children on an adventure

"Okay Kids! We are headed downtown. I met a guy that loves

children. Have you all had that sip of decongestant I gave you?

Who cares what it tastes like! It will make you calm... you want

this guy to like us right? I may have a couple drinks, but don't

worry! Anyone can drive this car! Evan, you have a motorized

toy vehicle right? Well, you can drive home. Don't have any more

of the medicine Evan! No more sips! Okay, let's go hunt that man!"

Gentle Kelly~ taking kids to the beach

"GD Kids! I told you to STAY IN THE CIRCLE! I drew you a circle, right in the sand! Stand in it! What is so complicated about that? Jeeeez! When I was a kid, if an adult told you to stand in a circle... you STOOD in the Circle!"
"Listen kids! I told you to stand like little rangers.. like in the army... not Power Rangers- Evan! No pointing Sophie! Look at Henry and Dalton, they are the only two who are LISTENING! Do you want ice cream?? DO YOU? Well line up! Stop looking at me! When I was a kid, we just did as we were told! If an adult told us to line up... we LINED up! Jesus!"

Meggan, Kelly and The Grimmy's!

Josh stopped by Kelly's Christmas party, in a vain attempt to get the girls to attend mass with him.

Josh: " Any minute, I am going to apply--gentle--pressure..."

Josh: "We have girls in a hotel room! Quick! Take a picture!"

Meggan is really holding Joel up

Are you there God? It's me, Kelly.....

Are you there God? It's me, Kelly.
I am so scared God. I am afraid that I will be punished for killing so many mice. I have already noticed that my luck is changing. Have you been listening to the Buddhists? I had to kill the mice God, I was afraid they would climb in my bed when I was sleeping. I know that you have helped me in past. In 6th grade, the "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" thing REALLY worked. (And I mean Really!) I am hoping that you will give me a break. I will try not to kill any more mice. Maybe you could tell them to stop coming in my house, or if they do, to keep a low profile. Or, you could cure my fear of mice and all the nasty germs they carry. I have noticed that my bowling game is slipping, my bra is too tight, I have tripped in public on at least 3 occasions, and I actually had a bad hair day this weekend. That was when I knew I was in trouble. Please, don't take my fabulous hair from me, or my breasts. I am trying to be a good girl God. I really am. I have to go now, and Google information about mice, to see if I can alleviate some of my fear. I also have to investigate a cute bus driver I saw in Syracuse over the weekend. I know, I have a Google gift. There are few in the world who could track a random driver via Google, but I can! Thanks for listening God! Thanks for my breasts, and I hope, my continued success with my hair. I will try to be kind to the mice.
Sincerely,
Kelly

Friend~ The small town sitcom

On this weeks episode of "Friend"....

Kelly tries desperately to enjoy the quiet of her home. She murders mice and other vermin. She attempts to find love on the Internet, but realizes that she has stumbled onto a cross-dressers dating site. She is bummed out that she only got one date, but will enjoy the fashion advice for years to come. Cute Kelly also has a minor car accident, and manages to get a date with the investigating officer... He looks familiar, but she can't put her finger on where she knows him from... After a few hours, and some back seat investigating in the dimly lit Jeep, she remembers... The cross-dressing web site. As always, the cheerful sitcom will leave your belly full of laughter, your heart filled with hope, and your brain overflowing with images of cleavage. That mad cap Kelly! Who knows what happen will next!

Mixology

This is Kelly's shirt. I can prove this shirt belongs to Kelly, because I bought it for her birthday. This is Meggan, mixing up drinks for one of Kelly's parties. Meggan used to have the same shirt. I guess they were making sure that they would find at least one party guest attractive.

They put 3 gallon jugs of vodka in that 5 gallon container. And then, Kelly wonders why~

1. She starts her party out with 75 martini glasses, but by midnight, there is at least one broken every 4 minutes.

2.Everyone dances at Kelly's parties..

Do she and Meggan really think it is due to their "amazing play list"?

3. At 10 pm, everyone at Kelly's party cannot believe how young, hot and fabulous Everyone is!

4. All guests at Kelly's parties think they CAN dance.
5. She can never identify everyone that is sleeping on her floor the next morning.

6. She gave her cousin her phone number?!!

7. She wrote a poem about how much she loves Josh on her very own bathroom wall, with a sharpie.

8. Her underwear are in the backseat of her car, and her car is at the Legion.

9. She throws parties..

For Sarah Jean...

Kelly has been behaving very well lately. I got some excellent video of she and Teresa singing a Pearl Jam song after our book club meeting on Friday. However, it was on Kelly's camera. After a couple failed attempts at procuring the footage, I am giving up. I will be sure to carry my camera with me from now on, and I will eventually capture Kelly on video. And so, since I have nothing to offer about Kelly for today, I am going to post another Evan dance video. This is a portion of his interpretation of a song from High School Musical 2. This is for you Sarah!

Under the influence of KELLY

Mild mannered Guidance Counselor by day~
Loving mother, runner, tax payer, friend, wife~
But once she listens to Kelly...

Kelly and the apron

Kelly~ I would like for you to stop harassing my husband. The night you took this photograph, a sacred night- Christmas Eve, you asked him repeatedly to remove his shirt. You continually yelled, heckled and coerced him into walking around in JUST his apron. Yes, it was funny. Yes, he looked pretty good in just the apron... However, since then, my mother cannot stop staring at Brian's lap. My father calls him "power thighs", and Meggan has asked him three times where he got the scar on his buttocks. Evan saw a poster advertising the Chippendale Dancers at the store, and now thinks Daddy was on "tour" with them.. in Afghanistan. Eric has called Brian 86 times since Christmas, and Alan just laughs whenever he sees him. I personally find myself feeling rather sensual whenever I see an apron... and as for my lady neighbors, well, they too phone "Bri" and ask him for help at their homes.. at least twice a week. I don't think he will ever get out the wine cork he sat on out. You have changed the way people look at Brian. You, in your reckless, encouraging way, forced my husband into hanging out in a Santa apron for an entire evening. I don't know if my family interaction will ever be the same. Next year, we will not be cooking anything for Christmas Eve. Guests can eat before they come, and if anyone looks at Brian in a creepy or seductive manner, they will be asked to leave the house. I know how you operate Kelly, so why don't you just refrain from attending for a year or two. We need time. We need to heal.

Advice for the kids

"Now Kids... I am going to tell you some things about life. First of all, when you cross the street- you don't always have to look both ways. The key is to run very fast. Look one way and then just run! As you enter the middle of the road or street, then glance the other way... Speed is the key... Your Mom will tell you differently, but look at me, this is what I do, and I have only been hit by a car once. Also, adults will tell you that studying is very important. It sort of is, but I will share with you one of the keys to having a good life. Hair! Yes children, your hair....."

Where is Ed?

No comments from Ed! I am surprised. I guess Ed, being a fan and supporter of Kelly, is afraid to read this blog. Ed? Afraid? Of Kelly? Little does Ed know, Kelly reads this blog. She can't really help it, as I phone her every time I create what I perceive to be an especially amusing post. The calls generally go like this-

Kelly: "Hello?"

Kathy: "Hee hee ha haa haa heee! snort"

Kelly: "Are you laughing or crying?"

Kathy: "Laughing! Haa hee hee he haaa" "L oooo he hee k at the blog..."

Kelly: "okay"

Usually, Kelly will laugh out loud. A few times she has not, and then I quickly edit and redirect my creativity towards the post in question. Kelly does not mind this blog... Is it because she has an amazing sense of humor? Or, because she is an idiot? Well, at least she is not afraid, like Ed.

Perfect

These posters were from Meggan's classroom. We decided to hang them up at Kelly's house. I don't think she got the message. She just kept saying that the Kelly in the picture did not have red hair.

This guy is thinking~"It's Tree City, Not Bush City...Why is she here?"

What would your shirt say?

This is a photograph of Kelly and Russ. Russ is wearing one of his favorite shirts... It says "Reckless Kelly". There are lots of men around, and they all seem to wear shirts. I was wondering, if you were wearing a shirt that is reflective of Kelly what would it say?
Thus far, I have seen the a fore mentioned "Reckless Kelly", and "I spent the weekend at Kelly Land and I all I have to show for it is this lousy t-shirt!" Also, a photograph of Kelly superimposed on a shirt front with the heading "What Would Kelly Do?" and on the back it says "Don't!" ~ If you have an idea for a shirt about Kelly, I would really love to hear it!

Divide and Conquer???

It is a well known fact that Kelly and Meggan are very good friends. They often socialize together. They share feelings, thoughts and plans. Kelly may be an idiot, but she has lots of friends. I was looking through my collection of stolen-from-Kelly's-blog photographs tonight and stumbled upon a troubling discovery.

What is up with Kelly and Ed?

Does Meggan act as Kelly's wing man, and separate Ed and Sharon whenever they are in the presence of Kelly? In all the photographs that I have found, Kelly is alone with Ed. Meanwhile, Meggan is always with Sharon. This is disturbing. Perhaps on some level, subconsciously maybe, I have noticed the strange interaction. Have Meggan and Kelly planned this out before they see Ed and Sharon? Is it intentional? Is there more to this story? Is Kelly a little obsessed with Ed? Or could it be Meggan... obsessed with Sharon?