Bon Voyage Kelly! A little advice.....

Kelly and the rest of the women in her family are leaving tomorrow for a relaxing adventure on the high seas. Yes readers! Kelly is leaving the country, and travelling around on a cruise ship. I thought it might be important to give her some advice about how to behave!

1. Kelly, going up to male strangers who are in the water- be it a pool or the ocean- and asking them if they would like to use your "floatation devices" is not an effective pick up line. It wasn't last year in Florida, and it won't be this year on your cruise.

2. A straw hat and a sunburn is not a good look for anyone, anywhere, at any time. Dress accordingly.

3. Using small children as bait to meet men or lonely lesbians is a bad idea, always. You will regret this- every time.

4. Running around a cruise ship and screaming "Captain Stubing.. Oh Merill!" - is also not a good idea. It will only serve to date you. It is okay to call the bartender Isaac.

5. Making out with a cabin boy and feeling dangerous and full of adventure because you might be spotted by your Mother- is just creepy. Spice up your love life in other ways. I am almost sure your Mom will agree with this advice.

6. A "Pina Coloda only" food fast is also not a good plan. Remember to eat.

7. Do not throw anyone over board. Playing on the ships decks can be fun. Do not play any games which involve leaning over the railing, or hanging ship workers over the edge. It may take a while to extradite you, but the cruise ship industry is really focused on having the same number of passengers and crew throughout the entire duration of the cruise. You will be caught!

8. Wearing your best bathing suit, high heels, red lipstick and panty hose is not acceptable for a formal dinner. The food is all inclusive, no need to give your fellow passengers the wrong impression about what you will be willing to do for a little drink or some cake.

9. Have Fun! We will miss you!